To Read or Not to Read

Most children who are either entering their teen years, or fully engulfed in them, will be reluctant to share their personal lives with mom or dad. Anything more than a grunt, moan or shrug could be considered a conversation, and prying usually leads to a sigh, or an “uuhg”, and often culminating into a door slamming somewhere in the house.

So how does one engage their child to find out how they’re doing, or to find out what’s going on in their life? With whom are they hangin’ out? Are they kissing, having sex or experimenting with drugs? Look no further than the diary or the Social Network!

But OMG! That would be a violation of their “rights” wouldn’t it? Uh, no, they haven’t earned these rights so long as they are still minors, living under your roof, being claimed as your dependent and being fed by your spoon. At least not the Fourth Amendment one that talks of Search and Seizure - in the home. You know, reasonable expectation to privacy and whatnot?

Our children expect us not to snoop around their room or read their diary, and that is exactly why perhaps we should. They will leave clues, letters, notes and all sorts of evidence laying around just waiting to be analyzed, and again I remind you that it is incumbent upon us as parents to pick up on it. Investigate, dig, ask questions and question their answers. We are not doing this to provide evidence for a prosecution of sorts; we are conducting a parental investigation into the well being of our children. We need to find out what is going on so that we may protect our children from themselves, from their friends, and from the cruelties of the world. If we ignore their personal lives, then we chance becoming victims of our denial, reluctance and fear, and falling prey to becoming one of those parents who say, “If only I had…” Just ask any parent or child who has had a personal experience with drug addiction, molestation, habitual truancy or other common pubescent troubles, and they will likely tell you that they wish they had snooped or been snooped upon. The best solution is prevention, and the best prevention is a good, healthy, open dialogue between parent and child. Go ahead, snoop, it will make for good conversation…

Andrew Cohen is a Berkeley based Private Investigator and father of two teenage girls attending Berkeley High School. For more information, questions or concerns, feel free to email him at [email protected]