They'll Always Deny It

When the call came into my office, it seemed like any other call on any other day, another request for the routine drug test. I explained to my soon-to-be client that their prospective Nanny would have to be fully willing to go through with this test on a voluntary basis, and a urine sample would be required. No problem. The date and time was set for her arrival.

Up to this point, I have never had a problem with this type of drug test, and, admittedly, due to my historical perspective from years of law enforcement, I am quite surprised, almost perversely disappointed, that there has never been an exceptional result from these tests.

I would think that anyone considering hiring a stranger to watch over their own flesh and blood would surely require a drug test be conducted, with a negative result of course, before a final decision were to be made and an offer extended to their prospect. But you’d be surprised how often this step is overlooked, or perhaps ignored, perhaps due to the cost associated ($50.00), or possibly due to fear or embarrassment in asking someone to pee in a cup as a prerequisite to employment.

It seems that a gut feeling, or a line item question on the application form requesting a response based upon high moral standards, and/or good, old-fashioned honesty, is good enough for most new parents. Allow me to let you in on some modern day reality: They’ll always deny it.

Nobody is going to readily admit that they do drugs, especially if they want gainful employment, and many, if not most applicants, have done, are doing, or will engage in illicit drug behavior during their employment with you.

The day has arrived when this particular subject was scheduled to come in and take her pre-employment drug test. She arrived fifteen minutes early and appeared overly nervous and visibly agitated. She spoke quickly and was unable to keep her hands still. I explained to her that she had nothing to worry about, so long as she has not been doing drugs. She reiterated her drug-free lifestyle and proceeded to willingly engage in the simple procedure of peeing in a cup. After having her sign a release form, acknowledging her willingness to partake in this drug test, I took her through the routine practice of clearing out her pockets of any items, washing of her hands in plain view, and ensuring that the bathroom facility is free of any substances or chemicals that might interfere with the test results. A few minutes later she reappeared, holding the one-third full specimen cup in her hand. I excused her and went about completing the test. 30 seconds later I was staring, stunned, at the multitude of positive results: Amphetamine, Methamphetamine, Tetrahydrocannabinol.

I contacted my client and informed them of the bad news. They were quite disappointed, and yet relieved that they did not hire her. They sent over their runner-up Nanny the following day, and after the same procedure with a negative outcome, she became a member of the gainfully employed.

It turned out that the $100.00 expended on this pre-employment background check was well worth it to these parents, and the many other careful parents, who have sent their prospective Nanny’s to get tested. We have all seen and heard of the nightmare stories of those who hadn’t.