You can see it their face. You can sense it in their
eyes. The non-verbal signals are a dead-giveaway to the fear and denial towards
their teen’s “Extra Curricular” activities: drugs, sex, cyber- inappropriate or
dangerous behaviors, and other common teenage criminal acts.
“Oh no, my boy would never do that”, or “I know that she
isn’t telling me EVERYTHING, but she’s getting good grades”, or how about the “I
did allot worse when I was a teenager” justification? Do any of these resonate
with you?
It is so much easier to turn a blind eye to the dangerous
activities that our children ARE partaking in, and of course, no harm; no foul,
but what if? What if that next victim is your child? Why do we, as parents,
allow our children to engage freely in a world full of enticing and frivolous
activities without setting, maintaining and ensuring proper boundaries?
We have the ability to do so. We have the same technology
that our children are playing with, and we must have and maintain control over
this technology, both within, and outside the home. For most of us, I would
assume that we pay the bills for internet access and cell phone service, and if
that is not control enough, then I don’t what is. Set the parameters applicable
to your household’s needs, and if there is a breach, then there must be a
direct consequence for such.
My kids are allowed 1.5 hours of internet use, per day.
If they need more for homework that is being done (diligently and without
Facebook interruptions) then I will extend as necessary. Most computers have a
utility that allows for this type of internet control. If not, then there are
numerous third party software applications that can be purchased. If you are on a wireless
network, you can simply go into the router settings and control the time
limit parameters.
I have the ability to restrict the web content as well,
but I have chosen not to use this function due to its overreaching content filter,
causing me more headaches than I choose to deal with. This is where Internet
Monitoring Software comes in handy. The software that I personally use is the
same as what I am selling at Theia: Spector Pro. It keeps a record of every site
visited on my computer. It also takes snapshots of the screen on a variable
time setting so that I can see who my daughters are talking to, as well as the
content of their discussions. Many folks feel that this is too invasive. I say copout.
This is no more invasive than entering a child’s bedroom and snooping around to
see if there is any evidence of drug use, sex or any other bits of info that a
parent might be rightfully and responsibly looking for. This isn’t a Gestapo tactic;
this is a duty of every parent to ensure a safe and healthy upbringing of their
children. Allow me to remind you of my TRAIN
acronym:
Teach our
kids about the lurking dangers of the internet. Regulate
their computer usage. Administer
their content. Incorporate
healthy and safe boundaries and alternatives, and Never allowing them to go out to
meet a "cyber-friend" without your tagging along to ensure the
validity of this person.
The other half of the “fear factor” is the inability to
have an open and honest conversation with your children. My advice: Just keep
talking. I would also recommend a mandatory, all-hands-on-deck dinner routine for
at least one night a week. I use Sunday for our free-for-all table discussion,
and I try to make sure that it isn’t too serious or has any type of agenda.
Just allow your children to feel free to discuss whatever comes to mind, and
you’ll be surprised how much info just rolls out. Have fun too! Make jokes, be
silly, and don’t be in a rush to get the table cleared. It is often during
these dinner discussions, or perhaps more accurately, after dinner when the
pertinent questions can be slyly interwoven into the discussion. If your child
is the type who doesn’t like to be pelted with direct questions, be less direct
and a bit cleverer. Talk about something you read about in the paper that might
spark the conversation, or ask a general question about how their school
handles certain situation pertaining to the subject that you are interested in,
i.e., “Does your school hand out condoms, or do they have them available to
kids?”, or “Does your school offer drug education classes? I heard that there
is an increase in kids who are experimenting with drugs.”
Watch how your child reacts to your inquiries. Watch for
signs of fidgeting or their inability to look at you in the eyes. These aren’t
the end all signs of drug usage of course, but they are often good indicators.
The more you can calmly and enjoyably discuss issues with
your children, the easier it is to communicate your beliefs, your worries, your
rules, and your boundaries. Be patient; this can sometimes take a while to
produce positive results.
If you do suspect that your child is involved with drugs,
call me at Theia, and I’d be happy to sell you one of our in-home drug testing
kits.
You must find out if they are using drugs, and you must stop it!
Feel free to call me with any other question or concern
you might have. I’m not an expert at any of this, but I do have plenty of experience
as both a dad and cop.
Remember, “We enhance the Bay Area One Child at a Time”.
Most computers have a utility that allows for this type of internet control. If not, then there are numerous third party software applications that can be purchased.
Posted by: Cheap Computers Canada | 03/24/2010 at 06:26 AM