’ve been on both sides, and it is no fun. I’ve seen the look on the
faces of the parents who are desperately attempting to figure out
what’s wrong with their child, or worse, frantically seeking their
whereabouts, for I have experienced that desperation myself.
The frustration in dealing with the judicial system is unexplainable except for the physical suffering that is impossible to hide from the years that are glaringly stolen from the victims and their families.
As a member of the law enforcement community, I have been the one having to explain to a sobbing mother that I can only do so much to assist; that the police can only do so much, as I hand over a stack of endless and often meaningless resource forms for her to sift through. I want so badly to hold her hand and walk her through each and every step of this long and winding path of bureaucratic bull, and this too is simply impossible, for “the man” has tied my hands as well.
When a young teenage woman is being groomed for victimization by an older male predator, the signs can often be quite ominous and transparent. What may seem like a rather harmless friendship, or perhaps even welcomed companionship from a “trusted” acquaintance, is nothing more than a planned and strategic plot to victimize. Often there are many victims, both direct and indirect; I was an indirect victim.
Remember, predators do not look like monsters. They do not fall into any physical stereotypes. They could be a family member, a neighbor, or a longtime friend of the family. It is most often somebody who you know, and has gained your trust over a period of time. Rarely is it the opportune predator that can manipulate in the manner necessary to commit these types of crimes, for any length of time, and inconspicuously.
The “Snatch and Assault” crimes are far less common and can be more easily avoided by using common sense practices, i.e. walking in well lit places, and whenever possible, with at least one other person. (I will be discussing more on defensive tactics on future blogs.)
Be mindful when your children are spending more time alone with friends and family members, especially if this is happening more frequently, and especially involving adolescent girls. If your child begins to express adoration for this person, defending their quality time together, and begin to shut you off from “their” relationship, it may be signs of further grooming manipulation and the beginnings of the “divide and conquer” tactic.
If your child begins to receive gifts from this person, especially those that you either did NOT want them to have (i.e. cell phone, clothing, etc.), or perhaps gifts that would normally be presented by the parent at opportune times or special occasions; this should raise a red flag. Predators spend lots of time earning the trust and love of their victims by saying all the right things. They provide money, food, “love” and compassionate, empathetic understanding to their prey, in slow, methodical ways. If you aren’t paying close attention, you, as the parent or guardian, will fall prey to these tactics as well, for they are offered in slow, subtle doses.
If any of this is beginning to resonate with you, feel free to contact me to ask questions. I may not have all of the answers, but in time, I will continue to offer more insight and solutions on this blog.
The frustration in dealing with the judicial system is unexplainable except for the physical suffering that is impossible to hide from the years that are glaringly stolen from the victims and their families.
As a member of the law enforcement community, I have been the one having to explain to a sobbing mother that I can only do so much to assist; that the police can only do so much, as I hand over a stack of endless and often meaningless resource forms for her to sift through. I want so badly to hold her hand and walk her through each and every step of this long and winding path of bureaucratic bull, and this too is simply impossible, for “the man” has tied my hands as well.
When a young teenage woman is being groomed for victimization by an older male predator, the signs can often be quite ominous and transparent. What may seem like a rather harmless friendship, or perhaps even welcomed companionship from a “trusted” acquaintance, is nothing more than a planned and strategic plot to victimize. Often there are many victims, both direct and indirect; I was an indirect victim.
Remember, predators do not look like monsters. They do not fall into any physical stereotypes. They could be a family member, a neighbor, or a longtime friend of the family. It is most often somebody who you know, and has gained your trust over a period of time. Rarely is it the opportune predator that can manipulate in the manner necessary to commit these types of crimes, for any length of time, and inconspicuously.
The “Snatch and Assault” crimes are far less common and can be more easily avoided by using common sense practices, i.e. walking in well lit places, and whenever possible, with at least one other person. (I will be discussing more on defensive tactics on future blogs.)
Be mindful when your children are spending more time alone with friends and family members, especially if this is happening more frequently, and especially involving adolescent girls. If your child begins to express adoration for this person, defending their quality time together, and begin to shut you off from “their” relationship, it may be signs of further grooming manipulation and the beginnings of the “divide and conquer” tactic.
If your child begins to receive gifts from this person, especially those that you either did NOT want them to have (i.e. cell phone, clothing, etc.), or perhaps gifts that would normally be presented by the parent at opportune times or special occasions; this should raise a red flag. Predators spend lots of time earning the trust and love of their victims by saying all the right things. They provide money, food, “love” and compassionate, empathetic understanding to their prey, in slow, methodical ways. If you aren’t paying close attention, you, as the parent or guardian, will fall prey to these tactics as well, for they are offered in slow, subtle doses.
If any of this is beginning to resonate with you, feel free to contact me to ask questions. I may not have all of the answers, but in time, I will continue to offer more insight and solutions on this blog.
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