Theia Investigations

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

I thought I did too, although I was pretty sure that my younger teenage daughter was obfuscating just a bit recently when laying out her weekend itinerary for my approval. I continued to require check-in times, other parents’ names and phone numbers, and inquired about peer pressures surrounding drugs, sex and alcohol. I wasn’t convinced. I reminded her about the consequences for lying to me or deceiving me relating to any behaviors that could prove dangerous to her well being, or the well being of others. She assured me with a straight face and pure innocent conviction that she was my sweet little monkey and would never stray from my wishes nor venture to betray my trust. I wasn’t buying it, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by expressing such distrust.

I liked to say that I offer my children a long leash with a tight collar, however it was beginning to feel as if my daughters, especially my young one, had the ability to slip from the collar at whim, and yet have me believe that she was faithfully wearing it, more as a favor to me, to make me feel more secure. It worked…for a while.

One evening, not so long ago, my sweet monkey was talking with me, via her cell phone, explaining what her plans were for that Friday evening. By my standards these plans were quite convoluted and something just didn’t feel right. I was working a late shift and was unable to make the efforts to make the necessary parental corroboration, but something prompted me to check in on her at one point, rather late in the evening. I called her cell phone but she didn’t answer. I did this three or four times with the same results. I was reminded by my frustration that the purpose of my purchasing and maintaining my children’s cell phones was to ensure easy communication between them, and me; if I could only remind her of this little forgotten factoid right at this moment.

I finally got fed up and worried enough to call the mother of my daughter’s good friend who was supposed to be with her. She was less than reassuring that our daughters were sticking to a plan and all was ok. I then asked if she might attempt to call her daughter, which she did, but was also surprised when her daughter didn’t answer. This is where I turned to modern technology.

I had previously signed up for a service offered by Sprint called Sprint Family Locator. This feature, once added to my cellular phone service, allows me to locate the cell phones on my phone plan by going onto a website and simply clicking on my daughter’s name. The phone, so long as it is turned on and within the Sprint cell coverage area, is triangulated through the cell towers, picking up on the small identification signals transmitted from every cell phone, called pings. This is not always a very accurate locator, often measured in +/- many yards, compared to the accuracy of GPS technology, which can be often measured in feet, but if the cell signal is strong, then it can be quite precise. On this particular night it was spot on, and what it told me, after conducting a couple of false negative tests, was that my daughter was not where she was supposed to be. In fact, she was nowhere even close. So, as I was preparing to leave work early and track down my sweet angel at her clandestine location, I made one final attempt to call her. Low and behold, she answered, and let’s just say that she wasn’t doing too good. She confessed to attending an impromptu party, drank alcohol, got sick (hee, hee), and vowed never to do this sort of thing again. I had her friend’s mother pick her up immediately and bring her home, and this was the beginning of an entirely new relationship between my daughter and me. The trust slate was cleared and so we started anew.

It is experiences such as these that are the birthright of all teenagers, and yet as parents, we must do all that we can to disrupt these dangerous activities and behaviors, at least as much as safety demands, and it is doubly important for us to remember that our experiences as teenagers are not the same as theirs: Times are different, drugs are stronger, predators are more brazen, sexual behavior has become more audacious, technology has vastly widened the otherwise comfortable geographic parameters, and parents have become more lenient and trusting. So it is with this that I, as a father, a former member of law enforcement, and now as a Private Investigator, urge parents to do whatever it takes to be more watchful over our children. If it means using technology to track, and to keep track of our kids; then so be it. It shouldn’t matter that they won’t like it, they’ll thank you later.

To Read or Not to Read

Most children who are either entering their teen years, or fully engulfed in them, will be reluctant to share their personal lives with mom or dad. Anything more than a grunt, moan or shrug could be considered a conversation, and prying usually leads to a sigh, or an “uuhg”, and often culminating into a door slamming somewhere in the house.

So how does one engage their child to find out how they’re doing, or to find out what’s going on in their life? With whom are they hangin’ out? Are they kissing, having sex or experimenting with drugs? Look no further than the diary or the Social Network!

But OMG! That would be a violation of their “rights” wouldn’t it? Uh, no, they haven’t earned these rights so long as they are still minors, living under your roof, being claimed as your dependent and being fed by your spoon. At least not the Fourth Amendment one that talks of Search and Seizure - in the home. You know, reasonable expectation to privacy and whatnot?

Our children expect us not to snoop around their room or read their diary, and that is exactly why perhaps we should. They will leave clues, letters, notes and all sorts of evidence laying around just waiting to be analyzed, and again I remind you that it is incumbent upon us as parents to pick up on it. Investigate, dig, ask questions and question their answers. We are not doing this to provide evidence for a prosecution of sorts; we are conducting a parental investigation into the well being of our children. We need to find out what is going on so that we may protect our children from themselves, from their friends, and from the cruelties of the world. If we ignore their personal lives, then we chance becoming victims of our denial, reluctance and fear, and falling prey to becoming one of those parents who say, “If only I had…” Just ask any parent or child who has had a personal experience with drug addiction, molestation, habitual truancy or other common pubescent troubles, and they will likely tell you that they wish they had snooped or been snooped upon. The best solution is prevention, and the best prevention is a good, healthy, open dialogue between parent and child. Go ahead, snoop, it will make for good conversation…

Andrew Cohen is a Berkeley based Private Investigator and father of two teenage girls attending Berkeley High School. For more information, questions or concerns, feel free to email him at [email protected]

 

Internet Monitoring

It is quite easy, and certainly less uncomfortable to turn a blind eye to the dangerous activities that our children ARE partaking in on a daily basis, and denial is something that most of us tend to deny. Even the bright, educated, often-liberal and mostly open-minded parents of Berkeley allow our children to engage freely in a world full of enticing and frivolous activities without setting, maintaining, and ensuring proper boundaries. Drugs, sex, unsafe driving, and an unlimited access to the darkest and most dangerous playgrounds in the world - AKA the Internet -are some of the more hazardous behaviors, and yet the most tolerated by us as parents, and by society as a whole.

Well, allow me to suggest that we, as parents, have the inherent duty and responsibility to tighten the collar, reel in the rope, and monitor these behaviors a bit closer, and if you aren’t already, to do so with the same, if not better, technology than that which our children may be utilizing.

From basic Parental Controls available on most computer operating system software and modern televisions, to over-the-counter Internet Monitoring Software, i.e., SpectorSoft, parents have the ability to see where their children are navigating to on the Web, who they are chatting with, and even isolate their “secret” usernames and passwords. You can set up time limitations and content filters, and if you are on a wireless network, you can simply go into the router settings to find the controllers for these parameters.

My kids are allowed 1.5 hours of Internet use, per day. If they need more for homework then I will extend as necessary. I have the ability to restrict the web content, but I choose not to use this function due to its overreaching content filter, causing more headaches than it’s worth; perhaps just another form of denial. This is where Internet Monitoring Software comes in handy. It keeps a record of every site visited on the computer. It also takes snapshots of the screen on a variable time setting so that I can see whom my daughters are talking to, as well as the content of their discussions. Many folks feel that this is too invasive. I say copout. This is no more invasive than entering a child’s bedroom and snooping around to see if there is any evidence of drug use, sex, or any other tidbits of info that a parent might rightfully and responsibly garner, which, in the humble opinion of this Private Investigator, is a duty of every parent, to ensure a safe, and healthy upbringing, of his or her children.

Just wait until I discuss the usage of GPS tracking devices...

 

They'll Always Deny It

When the call came into my office, it seemed like any other call on any other day, another request for the routine drug test. I explained to my soon-to-be client that their prospective Nanny would have to be fully willing to go through with this test on a voluntary basis, and a urine sample would be required. No problem. The date and time was set for her arrival.

Up to this point, I have never had a problem with this type of drug test, and, admittedly, due to my historical perspective from years of law enforcement, I am quite surprised, almost perversely disappointed, that there has never been an exceptional result from these tests.

I would think that anyone considering hiring a stranger to watch over their own flesh and blood would surely require a drug test be conducted, with a negative result of course, before a final decision were to be made and an offer extended to their prospect. But you’d be surprised how often this step is overlooked, or perhaps ignored, perhaps due to the cost associated ($50.00), or possibly due to fear or embarrassment in asking someone to pee in a cup as a prerequisite to employment.

It seems that a gut feeling, or a line item question on the application form requesting a response based upon high moral standards, and/or good, old-fashioned honesty, is good enough for most new parents. Allow me to let you in on some modern day reality: They’ll always deny it.

Nobody is going to readily admit that they do drugs, especially if they want gainful employment, and many, if not most applicants, have done, are doing, or will engage in illicit drug behavior during their employment with you.

The day has arrived when this particular subject was scheduled to come in and take her pre-employment drug test. She arrived fifteen minutes early and appeared overly nervous and visibly agitated. She spoke quickly and was unable to keep her hands still. I explained to her that she had nothing to worry about, so long as she has not been doing drugs. She reiterated her drug-free lifestyle and proceeded to willingly engage in the simple procedure of peeing in a cup. After having her sign a release form, acknowledging her willingness to partake in this drug test, I took her through the routine practice of clearing out her pockets of any items, washing of her hands in plain view, and ensuring that the bathroom facility is free of any substances or chemicals that might interfere with the test results. A few minutes later she reappeared, holding the one-third full specimen cup in her hand. I excused her and went about completing the test. 30 seconds later I was staring, stunned, at the multitude of positive results: Amphetamine, Methamphetamine, Tetrahydrocannabinol.

I contacted my client and informed them of the bad news. They were quite disappointed, and yet relieved that they did not hire her. They sent over their runner-up Nanny the following day, and after the same procedure with a negative outcome, she became a member of the gainfully employed.

It turned out that the $100.00 expended on this pre-employment background check was well worth it to these parents, and the many other careful parents, who have sent their prospective Nanny’s to get tested. We have all seen and heard of the nightmare stories of those who hadn’t.

Too Good To Be True

As the saying goes, "If it's too good to be true, it probably is", and that's exactly the case with a young, naive woman who came into my office in tears after she was recently bilked out of nearly $2,000.

Jennifer (not her real name) was sitting on the bus on her way to work, when a older woman, sitting next to her, sparked up a friendly conversation, inquiring about Jennifer's life. Jennifer, not realizing that she was being sized up by this predator, was forthcoming about her current financial situation, and expressed dissatisfaction with her job. Well, Ms Predator apparently jumped at the chance to offer her an "opportunity" to make some quick, and easy money.

Jennifer was immediately filled with excitement at the prospect of finally being able to buy the new car she was saving for, and listened carefully to the plan, which involved buying into an already established business -spearheaded of course by our elusive predator- of computer refurbishing (or something of this nature).

Jennifer is nobody's fool, so she asked many question in an attempt to validate this woman's offer, each one met with a quick and practiced response. It all seemed too good to be true for Jennifer, and so she snatched the bait and "invested" the necessary $700.00 down payment on this exciting venture, for which she then received a hand-written contract acknowledging the receipt of this money, as well as other "legalese" chicken-scratch, barely recognizable as English grammar, but good enough for Jennifer to feel as though it were a legitimate transaction.

 Jennifer received a phone call later in the day from her new business partner who informed her that she now required an additional $400.00 in order to continue forward with the business plan. Jennifer willingly met her at a nearby public area to give her the money, but it wasn't until after the third time she was required to meet the financial demands of her "partner", that she began to realize that something wasn't right. She questioned her predator about this practice, but this only angered the predator, who now became upset and even more demanding; a classic predatory response.

By this time, Jennifer had invested a total of $1,700 into this bogus business, was continually being harassed by her predator via cell phone calls and texts (some indicating subtle threats), and was so distraught, embarrassed and ashamed, that she reached out for assistance from a Private Investigator for help. She attempted to file a police report, but because she willingly engaged in a private business matter, they were unable to assist beyond offering some sound advice about prevention from this sort of scheme, as well as a suggestion of some civil action against her partner.

It was heartbreaking to witness the shameful tears roll down Jennifer's face as she sat across from me at my desk. I explained to her in more detail what her options were, and how I might assist, and she opted for talking her predator to small claims court, even having calculated the minuscule chance of ever recovering the lost investment from this bottom dweller.

I'm quite sure that Jennifer has learned a valuable lesson in dabbling in any future "get-rich-quick" schemes, and perhaps she might help prevent others from similar dangers. The world is full of shady opportunists, and we must all do our part to flush them out.

Live Scan Is Only Step #1

As a Private Investigator, it is my job to get you, the client, as much information as possible when conducting a background check on somebody, especially if that somebody is a candidate for a childcare position.

Many companies, including my own, will provide you with a criminal background check via the California DOJ's Live Scan Fingerprinting service, and this is a good start, but don't stop there. You should also request a full Public Records check through one of the many larger data services, and make sure that this includes Sex Registries and other criminal and civil arrest records.

I have added an article below that better explains why this is so important, and the dangers of skipping this additional step.

California Live Scan – A Dangerously Flawed System

by Kit Fremin

 

California Live Scan is the state run system administered by the California Department of Justice for criminal background checks and is available only on workers whose work includes working with children, the elderly and disabled. These include law enforcement agencies, public and private schools, non-profit organizations and in-home supportive care agencies. There is no other statewide criminal check available for employers. All school teachers, public and private, recreational workers and nursing home workers must be Live Scanned.

Church pastors and nursery workers are also eligible to use the program. Most churches use Live Scan if they already use it for their affiliated church school. Organizations who use this program send their applicants who have been conditionally hired pending the background check, to a Live Scan vendor who fingerprints the applicant (the applicant puts their fingerprints on a scanner which electronically scans the fingerprint, hence the name) submits the applicant’s data online to the state where a statewide criminal check is performed and, if chosen by the organization ordering the report, a nationwide NCIC (FBI files) check is performed.  The resulting information is then sent to the participating organization. 

This system is one of the best in the in the country, but the purpose of this article is to point out that it does have what I consider to be major flaws that very few people know about. I think that it is very important, especially for parents, to know the system’s limitations in hopes that someday the state will tighten the loopholes and more children will be protected.

The Live Scan system places strict limitations on what information is available and how that information is distributed. The criminal history report is sent to the organization’s Records Custodian, which may or may not be the person making the hiring decision and in larger organizations it us usually not the same person.  The Records custodian is only allowed to tell the person making the hiring decision that the person has passed or failed the Live Scan.  They don’t even get to know why that person has failed the background check.

SURPRISING  FACT # 1.  CALIFORNIA LIVE SCAN DOES NOT REPORT ALL CRIMINAL HISTORY

The state of California has mandated that only records related to the following categories are revealed by Live Scan:

1.      Crimes relating to child abuse or elder abuse

2.      Sex Offences

3.      Convictions or incarcerations in the last 10 years as a result of committing: theft, robbery burglary or any felony

Now, on its face the list above looks pretty good, but let’s go over some of the crimes that it doesn’t cover and as we go through the list try to think of your child’s nanny or her Sunday school teacher engaged in these crimes.  Here’s a partial list: Assault, Accessory to a crime, Aiding and abetting, Bad check writing, Carrying a gun without a license, Contempt, Domestic Violence, False impersonation, Medicare fraud, Stalking, Drug possession, Indecent exposure, Misdemeanor Prostitution, Lewd conduct, Disorderly conduct, Disturbing the peace, Vandalism, Trespassing, Malicious mischief, Public drunkenness and the list goes on.  I don’t know about you, but before I would hire someone to work with children I think I would want to know if they are a pot-smoking, bar-fighting drunk-in-public type person.  Most people would agree.

SURPRISING FACT # 2. LIVESCAN DOESN’T CHECK FOR ANY CIVIL RECORDS.

OK maybe now you are thinking that this California Live Scan doesn’t cover as much as you thought and you would be correct.  It also doesn’t cover any civil court rulings against a person such as Restraining orders, Non-molestation orders, Order for Protection and Injunctions (for things such as stalking). You don’t think that is important?  The Family Violence Prevention Fund estimates that up to three million women are the victims of domestic violence each year and restraining orders are one important way that they can protect themselves.

SURPRISING FACT # 3 LIVESCAN DOES NOT CHECK THE CALIFORNIA SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY (also known as the Megan’s Law registry).  THE PRECEDING SENTENCE IS NOT A MISPRINT; IT IS TRUE!   You don't have to take my word for it. You can verify this by calling the California Department of Justice and asking them.  Their number is 916 227-4974.  By now you are probably asking yourself, “How in the world can this be true? A state system designed to protect children doesn’t even check for drug offenders, wife beaters and sex offenders?  That is unconscionable!”  Even as I write this I find it hard to believe myself.  It doesn’t even check the Megan’s Law list for sex offenders who have moved to California from another state who are required to register.

BUT WAIT; THERE’S MORE. There are even two more area that Live Scan does not check or report.  When it searches criminal records, it only searches records where a person was fingerprinted.  For a minor, non-violent crime people are sometimes issued a notice to appear, just like a traffic ticket. People who are arrested in that way are not fingerprinted.  I understand that when big cities do things like prostitution sweeps that they sometimes use that method for both the prostitutes and their “clients”.   Also, if an arrest is found on someone’s criminal history and there is no corresponding disposition such as a trial verdict, plea agreement or sentencing information, they withhold the information from you.  The following quote is off their website:  “Unless otherwise authorized by law, where only an arrest record exists but the Department is unable to obtain corresponding disposition information, the Department shall suppress that arrest information and provide the authorized agency with a response that no criminal history information exists.”

As a person who has been in the background check business for 14+ years and the father of two college age daughters, I would have designed the system very differently to say the least.  I certainly would not have designed in holes big enough to drive a truck through and potentially let criminals have access to children.  The more I study this information the more I am convinced that the State of California is more interested in protecting the rights of criminals than protecting children and the elderly. In all my dozens of conversations with pastors, school administrators and law enforcement people I have only spoken to one person, who was truly aware of the built-in limitations of the Live Scan system.  Most people assume that if it is the state-run system then it must be the best and most complete.

As I was re-researching the data to write this article I also found that it is possible for someone to have their sex offence crime expunged after serving their sentence, but would still be required to be registered as a sex offender.  That is one more very convincing reason to check the Megan’s Law list.

Again, if someone was background checking my daughter’s teacher, coach, counselor or pastor I would want a more thorough check and I expect better from the State of California on behalf of all children.

THE ALTERNATIVE:  Most organizations who use Live Scan have to by state law, but if you have a choice you should consider a private sector background check from a company like ours that gives you all of the criminal information on a county by county basis, checks the civil records, the Megan’s Law list and records from any other state where a person may have lived.

 

Three Best Ways to Catch an Employee Thief

If you own a small to medium size business, and you have employees working for you, then you might want to consider hiring a Private Investigator to conduct a few, simple, covert techniques to try and spot the problem employees, if for no other reason, then to put a stop to the fiscal bleeding from your business.

This doesn't always mean that you will have to fire anyone, but perhaps just some re-training for some, or all of your staff, or maybe some overdue updating and stricter implementation of the business' employee guidelines and practices.

The losses in your business may not be from something as obvious as "tapping the till". It could be poor customer relations, driving you customers away and creating a negative "buzz" on the street, or worse yet, on some internet site such as Yelp. It may be the lack of necessary math skills, or even laziness or lack of thoroughness in completing all of the necessary transaction methods leading to an unbalanced cash drawer at the end of a shift.

In food businesses, it is often an issue of younger employees offering free or discounted food to their friends and families, or sometimes it's the wasteful preparation techniques in the kitchen or behind the counter: Giving too many napkins, free soft drink refills, etc.

By hiring a Private Investigator to go into your establishment as a "regular" customer on a periodic schedule, you can assess some if the issues, and address them accordingly, based upon the PI's report.

This type of investigation is often referred to as a "Mystery Shopper".

Feel free to contact Theia Investigations if you feel that this type of service might prove valuable to your business.

The following article was published in the Wall Street Journal by Sarah E. Needleman

If your small business can't afford external auditors, security cameras or other resources for spotting employee fraud, consider doing some detective work of your own. The effort could save your firm from a significant financial loss or worse—failure.

After all, a single heist could be fatal for a small business, says Richard Hollinger, a professor of criminology at the University of Florida. Small firms typically don't have the financial resources to fall back on that large organizations have, he explains.

Employee fraud can take place right under a business owner's nose. According to the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners, an anti-fraud trade group in Austin, Texas, such activities occur on average for as long as two years before the victim organization catches on.

Here are three best ways to tell if an employee is likely to be seeking a five-finger discount:

The phone keeps ringing. Some corrupt workers will instruct friends to repeatedly call a business and ask if the owner is on site until the answer is no, says Mark R. Doyle, chief executive of Jack L. Hayes International Inc., a provider of workplace crime-prevention services in Wesley Chapel, Fla. Once they hear those "magic" words, the friend knows it's safe to come by and swipe merchandise under the rogue employee's watch, he explains.

The math doesn't add up. Two years ago, ReShonda Young noticed a subordinate at her father's transportation company, Alpha Express LLC, had turned in a weekly time sheet with more hours than he could've possibly worked. That prompted Ms. Young, a manager at the Waterloo, Iowa, company, to investigate further and she discovered that the employee had been stretching his hours for months, initially to a less-noticeable extent. "I guess it got to be a little easy," she says. Now all supervisors must review and sign workers' time cards before they can be processed, says Ms. Young.

Money problems surface. Financial pressures are a key motivator of occupational fraud, the ACFE reports. For this reason, business owners should take note of any excessive complaining by a worker about money burdens. And if such a person's lifestyle suddenly improves dramatically, this could signal he or she has their hand in the company's cookie jar.

Let's Work On Prevention

The teen years often bring a restless yearning to explore, take risks, and have adventure. That's why there are outdoor programs that cater to those impulses, but choosing a rehab camp such as the Wilderness Program is often a difficult decision for teens and parents.

The process of change creates fear and confusion because it makes us feel out of control, but parents have to ask themselves, how much fear and confusion are they enduring right now?  How much more do they have do endure before they take action?

Most parents are terrified of enrolling their teen into a wilderness program.  They do not like the idea of separating from their child, even for a month or so.  They particularly worry about safety issues. However, If a child is involved in high-risk behaviors such as drunk driving or running away from home, she is definitely safer in a wilderness program.

Often parents have to feel real desperation before they enroll their children.Desperation may precipitate the desire for change. Parents often begin by looking for support outside the home – at a local therapist’s office, the school system and so forth.  It feels like panic at times, but it is a healthy searching to re-establish control in your life and the life of your family.

But there is one additional level of assistance that parents often overlook, and might consider after all other common methods have been exhausted, and before taking a drastic measure such as sending their kid away to a camp: Private Investigation Services.

Theia Investigations can assist with implementing a hands-on, technological approach to figuring out what is going on with your children. From basic cellphone triangulation locating, to installing internet monitoring software to see who your kids are talking to and what they're talking about, and, if necessary, in-home drug testing kits and physical surveillance and GPS tracking.

These measures may seem a bit unorthodox, and even extreme to some parents, but I can assure you that the results are quick and relatively painless. To obtain pertinent information about  what your child is involved in is priceless, and if this type of information can help to prevent this behavior from continuing, or to prevent a far worse scenario, then it will be money and energy well spent.

Call me to set up an appointment, or simply pop by my office, if for no other reason but to vent or to seek some assistance.

Fear & Denial

You can see it their face. You can sense it in their eyes. The non-verbal signals are a dead-giveaway to the fear and denial towards their teen’s “Extra Curricular” activities: drugs, sex, cyber- inappropriate or dangerous behaviors, and other common teenage criminal acts.

“Oh no, my boy would never do that”, or “I know that she isn’t telling me EVERYTHING, but she’s getting good grades”, or how about the “I did allot worse when I was a teenager” justification? Do any of these resonate with you?

It is so much easier to turn a blind eye to the dangerous activities that our children ARE partaking in, and of course, no harm; no foul, but what if? What if that next victim is your child? Why do we, as parents, allow our children to engage freely in a world full of enticing and frivolous activities without setting, maintaining and ensuring proper boundaries?

We have the ability to do so. We have the same technology that our children are playing with, and we must have and maintain control over this technology, both within, and outside the home. For most of us, I would assume that we pay the bills for internet access and cell phone service, and if that is not control enough, then I don’t what is. Set the parameters applicable to your household’s needs, and if there is a breach, then there must be a direct consequence for such.

My kids are allowed 1.5 hours of internet use, per day. If they need more for homework that is being done (diligently and without Facebook interruptions) then I will extend as necessary. Most computers have a utility that allows for this type of internet control. If not, then there are numerous third party software applications that can be purchased. If you are on a wireless network, you can simply go into the router settings and control the time limit parameters.

I have the ability to restrict the web content as well, but I have chosen not to use this function due to its overreaching content filter, causing me more headaches than I choose to deal with. This is where Internet Monitoring Software comes in handy. The software that I personally use is the same as what I am selling at Theia: Spector Pro. It keeps a record of every site visited on my computer. It also takes snapshots of the screen on a variable time setting so that I can see who my daughters are talking to, as well as the content of their discussions. Many folks feel that this is too invasive. I say copout. This is no more invasive than entering a child’s bedroom and snooping around to see if there is any evidence of drug use, sex or any other bits of info that a parent might be rightfully and responsibly looking for. This isn’t a Gestapo tactic; this is a duty of every parent to ensure a safe and healthy upbringing of their children. Allow me to remind you of my TRAIN acronym:

Teach our kids about the lurking dangers of the internet. Regulate their computer usage. Administer their content. Incorporate healthy and safe boundaries and alternatives, and Never allowing them to go out to meet a "cyber-friend" without your tagging along to ensure the validity of this person.

The other half of the “fear factor” is the inability to have an open and honest conversation with your children. My advice: Just keep talking. I would also recommend a mandatory, all-hands-on-deck dinner routine for at least one night a week. I use Sunday for our free-for-all table discussion, and I try to make sure that it isn’t too serious or has any type of agenda. Just allow your children to feel free to discuss whatever comes to mind, and you’ll be surprised how much info just rolls out. Have fun too! Make jokes, be silly, and don’t be in a rush to get the table cleared. It is often during these dinner discussions, or perhaps more accurately, after dinner when the pertinent questions can be slyly interwoven into the discussion. If your child is the type who doesn’t like to be pelted with direct questions, be less direct and a bit cleverer. Talk about something you read about in the paper that might spark the conversation, or ask a general question about how their school handles certain situation pertaining to the subject that you are interested in, i.e., “Does your school hand out condoms, or do they have them available to kids?”, or “Does your school offer drug education classes? I heard that there is an increase in kids who are experimenting with drugs.”

Watch how your child reacts to your inquiries. Watch for signs of fidgeting or their inability to look at you in the eyes. These aren’t the end all signs of drug usage of course, but they are often good indicators.

The more you can calmly and enjoyably discuss issues with your children, the easier it is to communicate your beliefs, your worries, your rules, and your boundaries. Be patient; this can sometimes take a while to produce positive results.

If you do suspect that your child is involved with drugs, call me at Theia, and I’d be happy to sell you one of our in-home drug testing kits.

You must find out if they are using drugs, and you must stop it!

Feel free to call me with any other question or concern you might have. I’m not an expert at any of this, but I do have plenty of experience as both a dad and cop.

Remember, “We enhance the Bay Area One Child at a Time”.

The Facebook "Panic Button"

LONDON (AP) — British officials say they're pressuring Facebook to make a "panic button" available on its Web pages following the death of a teenager at the hands of a man she met on the popular social networking site.

British child protection authorities have been lobbying Facebook and other social networking sites to install a one-click button which can allow children to get immediate police help if they suspect they're at risk.

Calls for Facebook to install the button intensified following the kidnap, rape and murder of 17-year-old Ashleigh Hall. Her killer, Peter Chapman, used a bogus Facebook identity to befriend her online.

Harriet Harman, the deputy leader of Britain's governing Labour Party, said Thursday ministers were lobbying Facebook to adopt the button.

How do you feel about this concept, and do you think it would make a difference?

I feel a bit conflicted about the whole idea myself and, being that this is my blog, I'm gonna take this opportunity to tell you why.

First off, it certainly wouldn't hurt to have such a "Panic Button" available to the more vulnerable Facebook users, and if it were to enable law enforcement to catch, arrest, and prosecute even one cyber-predator, all the better.

My issue is that we, as a group of relatively intelligent beings (assuming that this expanse of knowledge and wisdom encompasses the entire Nation, and perhaps beyond) should know better how to protect and to T.R.A.I.N our kids: Teach our kids about the lurking dangers of the internet. Regulate their computer usage. Administer their content. Incorporate healthy and safe boundaries and alternatives, and Never allowing them to go out and meet a "cyber-friend" without your tagging along to ensure the validity of this person.

Don't just pick one of these items, or some of them some of the time; we need to implement the entire TRAINing concept at all times while they are still young - 8 years to 18 years old. It is certainly not recommended to allow children younger than 8 to peruse the internet at all without a responsible adult closely monitoring at all times.

In addition, I can't say enough about Internet Monitoring Software. This is a completely stealth manner in which to closely monitor the sites our kids navigate to, their emails, both sent and received, their chats, their passwords, etc. Kids get the false sense of security that they are being sly and undetected when they enter into their own world of internet interactions, but when you log into the monitoring software, you can see exactly to whom they are saying what to.

So while I applaud and encourage the social networking companies to do whatever they can to prevent any further victims from being lured into the cyber-predators web, I don't believe the fault lies with them; it is our society, our communities, the parent and the guardian that is failing today's youth. We are simply not paying close enough attention the problem that is right in front of us. We are allowing our kids to frolic in the same playground as we are engaged in, and justifying it by allowing them carte blanche. And for the technophobes who aren't nearly as adept in this relatively strange new world of cyberspace, you may be simply too ignorant to know what these dangers are, and that too is not a good excuse when it comes to safeguarding your children. It's time to wake up and take action. T.R.A.I.N. your kids.

However, with all of this said, the best advice I can offer from my own experiences is to promote, maintain and nourish a good, healthy dialogue between you and your kids. Get to know them better, and get to know their friends too. Ask questions, lots of them. It may seem like your are perturbing them, but this is just normal teenage expression for setting boundaries, creating a mote around their new-found independence, controlling the drawbridge, and peering out continually for reassurance  that they are being loved, cared for and watched over.

My kids simply love to hate my incessant inquisitions. They insist that it is due to my being a cop, and now a Private Investigator, but I continually explain that it has nothing to with those facts, and only due to my boundless love for them and my inherent duties as a father to ensure their safety and quality of life.

It is the job of a child, especially a teenager, to test the boundaries, to push all our buttons, to take risks, and to experience an endless supply of disappointment. It is similarly our job to maintain the boundaries, uphold the discipline, reduce the risks and to embrace our children when they are hurting. This is the dance that we must all learn to dance with grace.