Fill 'er up with Felonious Fuel

SIGN ‘O THE TIMES

If I were looking into ways to reduce the massive budget deficit that San Francisco is currently facing, I would look at the cost of gasoline that is pumped into the numerous take-home cars of this fine city’s finest. From what I have been hearing, there may be some pretty clever gas guzzling, or shall I say gas “embezzling” going on ‘round here. I wish I had thought of that scam: Fill ‘er up at the Corp Yard and siphon ‘er out into the SUV.

FFF

These three letters are actually an acronym for something that we are cookin’ up here at Club Cohen. I don’t like to have to keep you in the dark, but there is a method to our madness. Let’s just say that we want you to hear it here first. This one, if we pull it off properly, has the potential to make someone pretty vulnerable. Nothing illegal, nothing traumatic, nothing evil, just good old fashioned, “What’s good for the goose…” style vengeance. We’ve got a basket full of these miniature “bombs” and if given enough time, we will drop each and every one of them, sooner or later. My email is blowing up with information about the big wigs, some of which I don’t even want to know about, but if any one of the many are confirmed and/or let out of the bag, there will be a Blackberry overload. And who would have ever thought that this teensy little comedy video would have ever become such a catalyst for information dissemination? And we owe it all to our fearless leader, Heather.

TWISTER

July 1^st, 2008 will be a day to remember, but how each of us does so may be determined by our individual vantage points and who we are “teamed” up with. This is one scenario that makes political sense (another oxymoron) if you maintain the thought that Heather has her own cold blooded agenda, and those around her will be sucking her butt like leeches:

Heather will have to get rid of the position titled “Assistant Chief”, so she will have to move her good buddy and faithful friend Lynch to a relatively close and equally “cush” position; this will probably be to the position of Dep. Chief of Admin. Oh!, but what to do with her partner in crime? Well, the way I see it, Keohane, who should probably just get out before it’s too late or before I sling everything I’ve got on him in an attempt to get him demoted (if he’s lucky) before he retires, will otherwise get shipped off to the Airport to bump Tabak. The disgruntled Tabak would surely retire before taking a demotion.

Now she has to get rid of two other Deputy Chief’s positions and I think we all know where her sights are set: Suhr and Parra. Well why not? These forgotten souls will most likely get demoted back to their previous ranks and ride out the rest of their careers hoping to get a new Chief so that they might climb back up before retiring. On the other hand, Suhr may have way too much dirt on Fong, and she might not want to open up that can of worms. I will certainly be waiting in the wings for every morsel he may offer up.

Then it is off to the Commanders. This shouldn’t be too difficult; just get rid of the newly appointed Tong and Lindo with the stroke of a pen and blow until dry. Now that wasn’t too hard was it Chief, you’re used to making hasty and poor decisions.

Of course, this is only one scenario, there may be others, but either way, July proves to be an interesting month; just make sure I get my raise will ya Gary?